March 4 & 5: Kim Clark

March 4 & 5: Job Fair(?)

Kim Clark

CHARACTERS:

PIPELINE
ENVIRONMENT
JOB-SEEKER JOHN
a dozen EXTRAS from 5 years to 85 years
SECURITY GUARD

Job Fair(?)

Onstage, PIPELINE & ENVIRONMENT sit at opposing tables under a big Job Fair sign. The EXTRAS form a snaky line leading from off-stage to ENVIRONMENT’S table. JOHN approaches PIPELINE’S table where there are several stacks of paper (varying in height) and no line-up at all. PIPELINE waves to JOHN, motioning him over.

PIPELINE: Right this way! Right this way!

JOHN: So you have jobs? Real jobs?

PIPELINE (pushes all the paper stacks to the front of the table): Oh, yes! You’ve come to the right place. We have big projects! Thousands of jobs. A hundred thousand to choose from. Just take your pick.

JOHN: You have anything full-time?

PIPELINE: Of course. When do you need this job?

JOHN: Well, right now.

PIPELINE (gives John a massive application booklet): Excellent! Just fill this out.

JOHN (flips through the massive application): This’ll take me years to fill out.

PIPELINE: That’s the point. By the time you fill it out there will be full-time jobs. I promise.

JOHN: But I need a job right now.

PIPELINE (frowns): Well, there are these jobs. Are you foreign?

JOHN: No, I’m Canadian. I’m from BC. I’m even local.

PIPELINE: Oh. How about temporary work, then? I have thousands of those too.

JOHN: Might have to do for now. What have you got?

PIPELINE (searches through stacks, tossing most of the paper over his shoulder and pushing a short stack toward John): Uh, don’t worry. I have all kinds.

JOHN: Like what?

PIPELINE: Mostly induced jobs.

JOHN: Induced?

PIPELINE: You know. Secondary. Indirect. Ripple-effect jobs.

JOHN: Like what?

PIPELINE: Oh, retail, tourism, food & beverage. It goes on forever.

JOHN: Don’t those jobs depend on the other jobs? The projects that may or may not happen? It sounds like a pipedream to me. Never mind the whole environmental thing, I can’t afford to believe you.

PIPELINE: I don’t think I like your tone.

JOHN: My tone? I’m just pointing out…

PIPELINE: Don’t make me call security.

JOHN (backs away): You don’t need to call security. See, I’m just back away quietly.

PIPELINE: Security! Security!

John tries to hide in ENVIRONMENT’s line-up as SECURITY GUARD rushes in.

SECURITY GUARD: What happened?!

PIPELINE: He called me a liar! He said terrible things! He THREATENED me!

SECURITY GUARD: Where’d he go?!

PIPELINE: Over there!

SECURITY GUARD (relaxes): Okay then. No worries. Everyone in that line-up or having any association with that line-up gets flagged. We flag all the terrorists automatically, make arrests out of sight.

PIPELINE: Thank gawd!

SECURITY GUARD: You’re very welcome.

END.