May 23 & 24: Valerie Laub

May 23 & 24: Not Wanted

Valerie Laub

CHARACTERS:

1
2
3
4
5

Not Wanted

Five or more oil blobs with hats like sections of pipe. There is a sign either downstage or hanging behind the blobs with the blank side to the audience.

All looking disconsolate. They sigh. They slouch. They groan. They sigh again. After a long silence:

1: Vancouver. (All groan.)

2: That was an accident.

Pause.

3: Burnaby (All groan.)

2: But that was an accident.

4: 2001. 25,980 barrels spilled or leaked. (We hear hiccoughing as some blobs begin to weep.)

2: That was just a bad year. (More blobs weep and wail.)

1: 2002. 14,683 barrels spilled or leaked. (With every stat the oil blobs ramp up their weeping and wailing.)

3: 2007. 13,777 barrels. 65 spills and leaks.

4: 2010. 80 spills. 34,122 barrels. (Blobs fling themselves about in their distress.)

2: Anyone can have an accident.

5: Kalamazoo. (Blobs weep and wail and fling themselves about. Blobs die dramatic deaths. Blob #2 turns the sign to face the audience. It reads: “NOT WANTED”. Blob #2 walks off stage.)

END.

Author’s Note: I see this as taking 5 or 10 minutes to perform as the blobs get more and more expressive, really over the top.