November 12 & 13: Kathryn Mockler

November 12 & 13: A CONSPIRACY TO HARM

Kathryn Mockler

CHARACTERS:
Texter
Questioner
Ruler
Crier
Pisser
Crowd

A CONSPIRACY TO HARM

Texter, Questioner, Ruler, Crier, and Crowd are enjoying a sunny day in the park where children play and a stream bubbles nearby. Pisser is standing by the edge of the water with his back to everyone else.

Texter is on his phone sending a text message when Questioner approaches.

QUESTIONER: Hey, man, what’s going on?

TEXTER: (looks up briefly) Not much.

QUESTIONER: (points to Pisser) What’s that guy doing over there by the stream?

TEXTER: (glances at Pisser then back down at his phone) Oh him? He’s pissing in the water supply. And he has a very big bladder.

QUESTIONER: Won’t it make them sick?

TEXTER: Yes, it will make everyone sick. We will soon have no water to drink or use to bathe or wash our clothes or our dinner dishes or our newly paved streets.

QUESTIONER: Why doesn’t anyone stop him? Look at all these people around.

TEXTER: Because he’s making a lot of money and Ruler decided Pisser can do whatever he wants. Pisser wouldn’t be so bad if he had a small bladder. But the problem is that his bladder is big. There’s no end to all the piss.

QUESTIONER: Has anyone tried to stop him?

TEXTER: Oh, yes, Crier has tried to stop him, but no one will listen. No one thinks they have the time.

QUESTIONER: Aren’t they worried about their water?

TEXTER: They think their water comes in a bottle and the bottle will always be on the shelf. They think that Ruler will take care of them and their families. He tells them this and they believe him. But really he’s just worried about making as much money as he can so that can buy his way into heaven.

QUESTIONER: What about you? What are you doing?

TEXTER: I’m sending a text message to my friends at work. We’re going to the bar to drink and complain about how little money we make and how much we hate our boss. Then I’m going to get much drunker than anyone else and throw up in the parking lot. When I finally get home, I’m going to eat a grilled cheese sandwich with ketchup and pickles and then cry myself to sleep. In the morning, I’ll wake up late and have to skip my shower. Then I’ll go into work with a very bad hangover and have to drink a lot of water to get rid of it.

QUESTIONER: And the piss?

TEXTER: Oh, yes, the piss. Eventually, sooner rather than later, I’ll have to drink that too.

END.