October 7 & 8: Valerie Laub

October 7 & 8: THE ODD OOZE

Valerie Laub

CHARACTERS:
1
2
3
X
Y

THE ODD OOZE

3 oil blobs. dressed in black. costume ideas — black and grey rags, dripping off them. OR connected by a BLACK lycra tube WITH HEADS AND ARMS STICKING OUT. or individual lycra sacs.
they dance on stage as a choo choo train or the bunny hop, a train doing the hop.

SINGING TO THE TUNE OF BRYLCREAM AD OF THE 50’S

123: Oil blobs a little dab will do ya’
Oil blobs you’ll look so debonair
Oil blobs a little dab will do ya’
Just rub a little oil blob in your hair

STILL SINGING:

1: And on your teeth

2: And in your mouth

3: And up your nose

1: And in your lungs

2: And through your liver

1&3: (TALKING SIMULTANEOUSLY) Oh yeah, liver. Excellent. liver.

2: (POINTING TO 1) S/he is Sticky Bitch-u-men

1: (POINTING TO 2) S/he is Sticky Icky Bitch-u-men

3: I am Icky Wicky Bitch-u-men

123: (TUNE OF THE HALLELUJAH CHORUS)
We are Bitch-u-men
Bitch-u-men
Bitch-u-men
Bitch-u-men
Nasty Bitch-u-men
Bitch-u-men
Bitch-u-men
Bitch-u-men

ENTER TWO WORKERS, X and Y, IN WHITE LAB COATS AND HARDHATS. THEY CARRY CLIPBOARDS.

THE OIL BLOBS MUTTER AMONG THEMSELVES. THE WORKERS DO NOT HEAR OR SEE THE OIL

1: Oh… cute

2: I like the tall one

3: Wonder what they’re doing up here along our route?

X: I don’t see any leak? Do you smell anything?

Y: I’b got a cold. Do you smell anything?

X: (LOOKS AT Y. PAUSES) I don’t want to say.

Y: Wouldn’t we know it if there was a leak?

(THE OIL BLOBS START TO SURROUND THE WORKERS AND SLOWLY BEGIN TO COVER THEM WITH THEIR BLOBY SELVES)

X: Sure, it would be obvious.

Y: Yeah. Obvious.

X: Like we’d see oil oozing all over the place.

Y: Yeah. Oozing. (OIL IS OOZING AROUND THE WORKER)

X: Do you see oil oozing? (OIL IS OOZING AROUND THE WORKER)

Y: No, no oozing.

SLOWLY, BY THE END OF THE PLAY, THE OIL BLOBS COMPLETELY COVER THE WORKERS

X: And the pressure in the pipe would go down. (CHECKS HIS CLIPBOARD) Hmmmm, the pressure would go down….

Y: Yeah. That’s right. The pressure would go down.

X: The pressure has gone down.

Y: Down? The pressure has gone down?!

X: Down.

Y: A leak! A LEAK! A LEAK!!!! Whaddo we do?

X: Stay calm!

Y: (EXCESSIVELY CALM) Oh, dear me, a leak. Tsk, tsk. Oh well, other than that, the day is perfectly fine.

X GLARES AT Y

Y: What, thinkest thou, that we should do?

X: Well… look for evidence.

Y: Evidence.

X: Yes, like the smell of oil.

Y: I’b got a cold.

X: Or…any oozing?

Y: Oozing… ah, oozing….

X: (DISAPPEARING UNDER THE OIL BLOBS) Yes, oozing. Do you see any oozing?

OIL BLOBS COMPLETELY COVER THE TWO WORKERS

Y: Well, maybe the odd ooze….

END.